helpless
i came home at about 9pm last night (wednesday). I went up to my room and was greeted with this note on my table from my roommate:
"tint, Joel Wagan’s dad passed away last night."
he was 51 years old and died of acute myocardial infarction. the rest of the family were unable to reach him at the hospital before he expired. i felt so helpless hearing it.
Joel has always been the strong one, the one who always knew what to do. at least in comparison to me. he was my President at SVCF. I was his subordinate. everytime i broke down he’d always tell me to stop panicking and to slow down and to think rationally. he always had something to say about things. i talked with him a while ago and it pains me to hear him sound so lost, so unsure of things, so helpless. i feel so helpless, being so far. all i can do is feel with him.
at about 11pm, we heard a crash and a dog yelping on our street. my housemate looked out to investigate. she uttered a cry and we rushed out to see a man on the ground beside his motorcycle. he was convulsing and foam was coming out of his mouth. leng ran toward the man and i ran back into the house to call whatever emergency number we could. ate ging was on the phone though so i rushed back out again, all the while thinking, "this cannot be happening to me now. i don’t know what to do yet! hindi pa ko doktor! paano nga ba mag-CPR? kelangan ba namin mag-CPR? hindi, conscious pa siya. anong nangyayari sa mama? ba’t siya kinukumbulsiyon? ano yan sa bibig nya? bula? may dugo ba? paano namin siya dadalhin sa hospital? dapat hindi siya galawin! tatawag ba kami sa ospital? ano number sa ospital? ano gagawin ko?" leng was still beside the man, trying to get a pulse. everytime we came near him, the man seemed to shoo us away. ayaw pahawak. then more people came and the brgy.captain told people to get him and some of the trisikad drivers put him in one trisikad and brought him to the hospital. again, i felt so helpless. i’m a med student and i didn’t know what the hell i’m supposed to do!!! everything happened so fast.
"i know we’re not supposed to move a trauma patient until we’ve known there is no spinal injury. pero pano namin sya dadalhin sa ospital? wala kaming neck brace! tatawag ba ako sa ospital? pag tatawag ako, anong gagawin ko sa mamang to habang naghihintay? i know you’re supposed to assess ABC’s. check for pulses and the like. i know we’re supposed to give emergency care. yeah, so i know that. but i still don’t know what to do! teka, ba’t nyo inaangat ung mama? teka, wag nyo siya galawin! nako, ingat po sa ulo at likod at leeg! sandali lang po. nako…"
i feel so helpless. ano ba?! second year nako! bat ganito?! could we have done more? i don’t know what happened to the man next… i know he was brought to the hospital… i can’t help feeling helpless. this is the third medical emergency situation on our street since i’ve been here. the first was an epileptic seizure, the second was naipit ng jeep yung leg ng isang mama when he was fixing it, nag-reverse ata ng hindi nya inaasahan, then this.
i hate being helpless.
November 29th, 2006 at 11:54 am
Tint, I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s loss.
May 911 ba sa Iloilo or something like it? I think you did the right thing by not doing anything. Talaga. His struggles could have made things worse. My nursing assistants told me that my face turned white the first time I had to do CPR. Hehe. You’ll know what to do next time, I’m sure. Just be calm kasi panicking makes it hard to think clearly.
I miss you all.
December 1st, 2006 at 2:53 am
ey tint! alam mo ba, may nangyari ding ganyan sa amin mga housemates ko (classmates ko din at 2nd year din kaming med). One time, pa-cross kami ng street tapos may nagbanggaan na 2 motorsiklo. Tumilapon parehas yung mga driver! And worse, napunta pa sila parehas dun malapit sa pwesto namin. Sobrang, I know the feeling of being helpless. Ginalaw agad ng mga tao ang dalawang mama despite sa mga sinabi namin na wag galawin baka may cervical injury. And, naka-white uniform pa kami, hindi kami pinapakinggan ng mga tao. We didn’t know what happened next kasi dumating na ang rescue minutes after.
Kaya don’t worry sa feeling ng pagiging helpless. I believe madami sa atin (lalo na medstudents na 2nd year) na kapag ganito ang situation, matataranta din. Hello kay Leng!
December 1st, 2006 at 6:26 am
hi manong andre! thanks. hay nako, i’m not looking forward to my first CPR experience. i’m scared!
thanks kuya carlomer, that makes me feel a lot better. haha, nangyari din daw yan sa mga docs namin nung students pa sila, nagtanggal daw sila ng nameplates kase di nila alam gagawin nila! hehe. =) parang gusto ko ngang mag-trauma doctor e..!
December 5th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Grabe, naramdaman ko lahat ng emotions..from start to finish.
Last sunday on my way to church nakakita naman ako ng taong nasagasaan ng bus sa commonwealth…at nakaipit pa siya sa gulong nung dumaan ang jeep na sinasakyan ko.
pero, buti ka pa…kahit pano may idea sa gagawin mo…ako kung sakali man andun ako mismo sa mga istambay…di ko alam ang gagawin kundi sumigaw ng TULONGGGG!!
Wag ka mag-alala tint, ilang taon na lang, magiging magaling na mang-gagamot ka na at marami ka pang buhay na ililigtas.=)
Alam kong ginawa mo yung magagawa mo:)
December 6th, 2006 at 7:56 am
thanks jam, that means a lot. by God’s grace, i hope so. =)
nabuhay naman pala daw yung guy sa street namin. thank God. wala naman siyang paralysis.
December 9th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
hey!
xoxoxo
I made on photoshop glitter myspace pics.
take a look at them:
http://tinyurl.com/5w2eqc
Thanks 4 your site