Archive for November, 2006

helpless

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
i came home at about 9pm last night (wednesday). I went up to my room and was greeted with this note on my table from my roommate:
        "tint, Joel Wagan’s dad passed away last night."
he was 51 years old and died of acute myocardial infarction. the rest of the family were unable to reach him at the hospital before he expired. i felt so helpless hearing it.                                                                                                                  
Joel has always been the strong one, the one who always knew what to do. at least in comparison to me. he was my President at SVCF. I was his subordinate. everytime i broke down he’d always tell me to stop panicking and to slow down and to think rationally. he always had something to say about things. i talked with him a while ago and it pains me to hear him sound so lost, so unsure of things, so helpless. i feel so helpless, being so far. all i can do is feel with him.                                                                                                                   
at about 11pm, we heard a crash and a dog yelping on our street. my housemate looked out to investigate. she uttered a cry and we rushed out to see a man on the ground beside his motorcycle. he was convulsing and foam was coming out of his mouth. leng ran toward the man and i ran back into the house to call whatever emergency number we could. ate ging was on the phone though so i rushed back out again, all the while thinking, "this cannot be happening to me now. i don’t know what to do yet! hindi pa ko doktor! paano nga ba mag-CPR? kelangan ba namin mag-CPR? hindi, conscious pa siya. anong nangyayari sa mama? ba’t siya kinukumbulsiyon? ano yan sa bibig nya? bula? may dugo ba? paano namin siya dadalhin sa hospital? dapat hindi siya galawin! tatawag ba kami sa ospital? ano number sa ospital? ano gagawin ko?" leng was still beside the man, trying to get a pulse. everytime we came near him, the man seemed to shoo us away. ayaw pahawak. then more people came and the brgy.captain told people to get him and some of the trisikad drivers put him in one trisikad and brought him to the hospital. again, i felt so helpless. i’m a med student and i didn’t know what the hell i’m supposed to do!!! everything happened so fast.
"i know we’re not supposed to move a trauma patient until we’ve known there is no spinal injury. pero pano namin sya dadalhin sa ospital? wala kaming neck brace! tatawag ba ako sa ospital? pag tatawag ako, anong gagawin ko sa mamang to habang naghihintay? i know you’re supposed to assess ABC’s. check for pulses and the like. i know we’re supposed to give emergency care. yeah, so i know that. but i still don’t know what to do! teka, ba’t nyo inaangat ung mama? teka, wag nyo siya galawin! nako, ingat po sa ulo at likod at leeg! sandali lang po. nako…"                                                                                                                                              
i feel so helpless. ano ba?! second year nako! bat ganito?! could we have done more? i don’t know what happened to the man next… i know he was brought to the hospital… i can’t help feeling helpless. this is the third medical emergency situation on our street since i’ve been here. the first was an epileptic seizure, the second was naipit ng jeep yung leg ng isang mama when he was fixing it, nag-reverse ata ng hindi nya inaasahan, then this.                                                                                                                                                            
i hate being helpless.

today

Friday, November 24th, 2006
today our class started at 1pm. syempre i prepared for school at 12 noon na. i left the house at about 12:30. nagkulitan muna kami ni jen at mark sa hallway. i gave jen the OC-OCness award. imagine, she took out the spring in her notebook, printed on the pages, then put back the notebook together again. then she proceeded to highlight what she printed. yun yung notebook nya. grabe. oc-ness at its maximum level. haha. kumain ako ng super thin biscuits. i’m starting to love those biscuits. then dumating ang mga favorite classmates ko na si diose, yohan at jologs. tapos tumambay muna kami sa labas ni jen and we sang the songs of josh groban and andrew lloyd weber’s musicals. then doc abello walked by at binati namin ang kanyang bagong hair-do.                                                                                             
the class started at about 1:30 pm. si Doc Salaya ung nag-lecture. she’s good. i can really understand her lecture. she spoke on CHF in children. at 3pm, we had our SGD, the last for the week. si Doc Gonzales naman ang aming tutor. she’s ok. my groupmates were better behaved than we have been in all our previous SGDs. we discussed CHF in our patient, the ECG results and the management of the CHF. our patient sa SGD has ASD with symptoms of CHF. she was admitted for shortness of breath. basta… masaya yung discussion. we interpreted her ECG and it showed she had atrial fibrillation, incomplete RBBB, and atrioseptal wall ischemia. her 2D-echo showed an ejection fraction of 40%, mild hypertrophy of the RV and LV, enlargement of RA and L-R shunt at the ASD with minimal reversal during coughing or straining. she was given powerful diuretics, digoxin, a nitroglycerin patch, and advised to have a low salt diet, among others.                                                                                                                        
after the SGD, kumain kami sa JD nila bimbo, jr, lorbs, leng, and pb. then dumiretso na kami sa UC to practice for the Christmas cantata. we went home at about 8:30pm siguro. then a little before midnight, hinarana namin si badet (who lives next door) kase 18th birthday nya. ayun.                                                                                                             
antok na ko ngayon.

bad hair day

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
I know i said I had a good hair day a few days ago…
well, today, I decided my split ends were getting irritating. must be hormonal. anyway, i decided to have them cut so my hair could grow better. ito na yung pinaka-mahaba na inabot ng buhok ko and i just wanted to fix it up a little. so I went to a salon to have a trim believing my hair would be a half-inch shorter lang when i get back.                                                                                                                              
little did i know that i’d have my hair hacked off!                                                                                                                     
i felt like crying when (s)he was cutting my hair. i had no idea that i was going to get out of that chair with hair shorter by a good 6 or 7 inches. waaaaah!!! this is my first hair cut in two years! i still feel like crying over my lost hair. vanity, vanity. i said i just wanted to have my split ends cut out. malay ko ba na ganun kataas ung inabot nung split ends na yun! waaaahhh!!! ang ikli na ulit ng buhok ko. =( it’s so sad.                                                                                                                     
i know it’s just hair. but still…                                                                                                                   
the only good thing was i enjoyed seeing my classmate’s reactions to seeing me with "straight" hair. kase diba after they cut your hair bino-blow-dry nila. so my hair becomes straight when you do that. so i went to school with hair na mukang plinantsa. and it was weird. haha! i still like my curls better. good thing they’ll come back after they get wet. hay salamat. umikli lang naman ang buhok ko (by a good 7-inches!) pero at least kulot pa rin ako. hehe. =)                                                                                                                   
still, i miss my hair. will post a new picture of me with short hair when i can stand to see it short again. hay. =(

random things

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
:: things that made the day great for me ::
1. getting snail mail — thank you kit. *hug* i love you.
2. eating lunch at home with a mother — i miss this.
Img_13013. good hair day — at least from my perspective
4. aircon in the classroom — salamat naman at hindi brownout
<=== 5. kidding around with seatmates xarra, pb (sa pix) and jp
6. walking home with streetmates
7.  scrubs — thanks jologs
8. spaghetti and mr. chips
                                                                                                 
it’s really so nice to get snail mail. it’s so much better than email. you get to carry the letter around, cuddle up in bed with it, leisurely read and reread it. you can hold it and keep it in your journal. =) somehow, it means so much more. thank you gid kitot.                                                                                                                                                                            
this morning we had classes from 8am to 12noon. i was absent. i did not wake up until 10am. i am so not a morning person. <sigh> was able to attend the afternoon classes though. good thing bukas walang class sa umaga. i really need to reset my body clock.                                                                                                                    
today i was overwhelmed again at the amount of material we’re supposed to know and understand and cough up when the situation demands it of us. i’m still overwhelmed.                                                                                                                                                         >> some random things that would make my day:
   - sleep
   - music. definitely.
   - a good movie, good food, good conversation.
   - snail mail.
   - walking in the rain in ‘proper clothes’ — ate kc… miss na kita…
   - sunsets and star-gazing
   - tambay sa cafe drinking mint tea and reading a book
   - crying with a friend when I feel like i’m losing it
   - pictures
   - waking up to the sound of birds singing
   - phone call from friends i haven’t seen in months, and
   - a hug.

thanksgiving

Sunday, November 19th, 2006
I attended church at UC kanina kase it was their Thanksgiving Sunday. So just to cap the day off, I’d like to list some things I’m thankful for:                                                                                                                              
1. the opportunity to study medicine (salamat po QHP)
2. crazy housemates that make life unpredictable (thanks to PMS, haha!)
3. crazier streetmates who make life fun (aba syempre mga taga-UP din sila)
4. a laptop to work with (thank you Uncle Gene)
5. the gift of music (thank you tlga Lord!)
6. new books here in IVHome (thank you MEANS and Ninang C.)
7. may ilaw tonight (kase may exam ako bukas)
8. a barkada in medschool (who love to eat)
9. seatmates  PB, Xarra and JP who help me learn (and keep me awake)
10. our pleasant laundry woman (salamat guid nang SP)
11. the internet (so I’m still connected to manila and davao somehow)
12. PLDT 10-10 (I get to call nanay and tatay as often as i want)
13. eyeglasses (wala na kong migraines since i got them)
14. a wonderful new SGD group (na sobrang enjoy kase ang gulo lagi!)
15. Christmas break just around the corner (excited na ko tlaga)
16. being a PK (whoohoo!)
17. new ‘old’ friends (hi Manong Bingbong and the UC young adults)
18. living in ivhome (daw feeling ko KC pirmi)
19. eating places i like here in iloilo (mmm… pasta, pizza and chicken inasal)
20. and, being a girl (thank you Lord for not making me a boy, seriously).                                                                                                                                       
I would not be able to study for my exam tomorrow if I were to keep at this list so i’d leave it at that for now. Thank you Lord for my life. Thank you for you are the Giver of it. I praise you with all that I am. Thank you. Thank you Lord.

Saturday, November 18th, 2006
these are things that i can’t do anything about, so hihinga na lng ako ng malalim, bibilang ng sampu, at pipigilan ang sarili ko na magreact ng hindi maganda:
> IVDay kanina sa Manila. just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
> may nagtanong nanaman ngayon ng ‘may boyfriend ka na ba’ question.
> ang malala pa, sinundan pa ng ‘nagka-bf ka na ba ever’ question
> at mas malala pa, nagtanong pa ng ‘bakit’
> may KL seat sale ngayon ang Cebu Pacific
> napaka-init ng araw kanina, sakit sa balat
> may exam kami sa monday
> may sore throat ako ngayon
> nagbrown-out
> i’m homesick. at ito ang bottomline ng lahat ng kairitahan ko. haha.

nakakatawa

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
Masaya magkaroon ng crush sa school. =)
Nakakatawa, parang high school.
Akalain mo yun.
         
                                                                                                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                                                                     
Yun lang masasabi ko. *laughing*

iyak ng puso

Monday, November 13th, 2006
bakit ambilis lumipas ng panahon?
minsan hindi ko na alam kung ano’ng nangyayari sa mga araw ko
dumadaan lang sila na parang hindi ko namamalayan.
mabilis, laging tumatakbo, nagmamadali
bihirang-bihira lang akong hintayin nito
madalas ay hinahayaan na lng akong humabol… kung kaya ko.
mamaya andito pa, mamaya wala na
paggising ay umaga, sa konting sandali gabi na
panibagong araw nanaman, ganun kabilis.
makailan lamang ay nasa elementarya pa ako
masaya, naglalaro ng jumping rope
kumakanta-kanta, tapos ganun na lang, tapos na.
parang kailan lang nasa high school ako
magulo ang isip, madaming drama, masalimuot ang buhay
ang apat na taon ay mabilis lang lumipas, wala na.
kelan lang ba iyon nung nasa kolehiyo ako?
madaming pangarap, naghahanap ng direksyon
tumatambay, kwento ng buhay-buhay, tapos, babay.
kelan lang, bagong pasok ako sa medisina
walang kaalam-alam, madaming gusto malaman
takot mejo, pero mas excited kesa sa takot.
ngayon, kalahati na lng tapos na
di pa rin sapat ang kaalaman, marami pa ring dapat alamin
excited pa rin, pero mas takot na ata kesa excited.
kung pwede lang wag na muna matapos
kung pwede lang preno muna
kung pwede lang dahan-dahan muna kase di ko pa ata kaya.
pero di ko mapipigilan ang bilis ng panahon
konti na lang, tapos na
konti na lang totoo na talaga.
ilang taon na lang, ibang buhay nanaman.
panibagong drama, panibagong pangarap.
pero pangarap na nasa totoong buhay na.
bakit ko ba pinasok to?
kaya ko ba to?
pano pag nagkamali ako?
basta, sabi mo dito ako
              sabi mo kaya mo ako
                  sabi mo tutulungan mo ko.
at dahil sabi mo,
                  sige kampante ako
                      ang buhay ko’y sayo.
basta sabi mo.

usapang puso

Friday, November 10th, 2006
This semester opened with our Cardio Block and this week is our module on Pediatric cardio. We went to the hospital yesterday and we had a patient with a heart murmur. =) We think it’s only physiologic though. He is 9 years old and doesn’t have any signs that he has a CHD. But we do know though that he has Pott’s dse. <sigh> (Note to self: borrow the xray film.)
Wala ngayong patients sa pedia ward with a heart condition so mejo frustrating ang aming visit to the wards. But I had a wonderful pleasure and privilege of being able to listen to a VSD from a 9 y/o girl I sat with while I was waiting in front of the ultrasound room. =) She was there to undergo 2D echo. Hay, and sarap makapa-kinig ng actual na CHD. I know that sounds kinda morbid but I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that it’s always a good thing for us students to be able to experience what we’re studying so we could learn better. Mahirap kase ang puro theories. So I hope I get to hear more of actual CHDs. Sabi ko nga tatambay na lang ako sa Heart Center sa Christmas break with my stet. Hahaha!
Kakaiba kami this week dahil puro letters lang halos ang mga maririnig mo sa mga usapan ng mga tao. VSD, ASD, PDA, TOF, TGA, PAPVR, DOB, ECG, 2D, PA, RV, LA, LV, etc… Ung mga notes namin para nang shorthand writing dahil puro ganyan lang ang mga nakasulat. haha. Katuwa.
Nakaka-wow ung management of the CHDs. I still cannot imagine how transcatheterization must feel like for the patients, and how the doctors must have studied and practiced hard to be able to perform those procedures. Imagine, galing pa femoral artery up to the IVC, to the RA, then make a hole through the atrial septum or pwedeng i-open ung FO, to the LA, and to the MV to dilate it with a balloon sa case ng MS. Kahanga-hanga. Grabe pati ung open-heart surgery procedures! Hay nako, naka-nganga kami lahat as our doctor was lecturing. Amazing talga ang mga nakaka-isip ng mga paraan na yun. Di ko maarok! Galing-galing nila!
Pero i don’t think i’ll go into Cardio…. hmm…. baka hindi siguro….

nag-eenjoy

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
first week pa lang ng class namin ngayon at nagbago nanaman ang aming mga SGD groupmates. enjoy ako sa mga groupmates ko this sem. lahat kami malaki at lahat kami magulo. hehe. saya!
enjoy ang block na to. cardio. nag-eenjoy ako mag-aral. sabi ni xarra na classmate ko, dahil daw yun sa ayaw namin na maging mababa ung grades namin this year tulad ng last year. hehe. sabi ko nga, parang mas mahirap yung last year na cardio. sabi ni jehnez, hindi naman daw. mas magaling lang daw siguro mga lecturers namin ngayon. sabi nya yung last year daw, mga gwapo lang. wahahaha!!!
kanina ang lecture namin ay cardiac hemodynamics. ang galing ni doc mag-lecture. ang dami naming mga ‘aha’ moments! enjoy. napa-palakpak kami sa saya. =) ganun lang pala kadali yun! kahapon at nung monday naman, mga CHD, cardiac embryogenesis, hx at pe taking.
ang case naman namin sa SGD ngayon ay heart murmur sa 4-year old male. hay nako, physiologic murmur lang naman pla. syempre binasa pa rin naman namin lahat ng mga congenital at acquired heart defects. ok naman, masaya.
sa hospital naman, ang patient namin ay may skeletal TB….                                                                                                         
                                                                                                                                           
basta enjoy mag-aral…. so far…..                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                                        
6 weeks na lang…. Christmas break na! =)